Before we sat in the air-conditioned room, on the green couch in the Amsterdam coffee shop, our friendly (and obviously amused) ‘Salesman’ handed us some cards.
The size and shape of a credit card, full of information about understanding and handling our new purchase (and a number to call if that is not the case!).
A very cool campaign, aimed primarily at tourists, promoting safe consumption. Thank goodness we didn’t venture to try any fungi, I refuse to imagine how that might have ended up – not good!
Prior to carrying through with our bad decision, I gave my husband a few warnings. I knew already that the substance which we were about to ‘enjoy’ (I do say that sarcastically!) was/is much stronger here than anywhere else in the world, which means it doesn’t really make a difference whether or not you have previously ‘tried the item’.
Unless you live in Holland and are a regular smoker, you are likely going to have an experience that will knock you over.
Understanding this, we decided we were going to use the tiniest amount possible, put the left over nine tenths back in the handy carrying case it came in, and head out into the dusk to enjoy our night. But that wasn’t really how it was going to happen.
Surprisingly, (to us at the time!) the ‘use as little as possible’ theory didn’t really pan out! With only two puffs inhaled and a mere moment spent in the cafe, we were doomed already – and we knew it.
We needed to get out to the street before we embarrassed ourselves any further. I figured we could just walk around until the effects wore off – I under estimated ‘the effects’!
We managed to slog no more than a block holding each other up – certainly making a scene while ‘whispering’ (were we really whispering?) details of our personal horror to each other;
I feel sick/I could crap my pants/where are we?/I need to sit/what’s going on?/I hate this/I need to lie down/my legs don’t work/this is the worst moment of my life/am I dying?/I can’t hold my head up/what is happening right now?/I feel gross/my brain doesn’t work anymore/I have to pee/I am blacking out/I hate Amsterdam/my legs won’t hold me up/we are going to die/I can’t see!/where are we?/this is awful!/why did we do this to ourselves?/why did we come here?!!
I realized we would need to sit, for a long, long while – immediately! Thankfully we had made it to the nearest park bench.
At least we could rely on my autopilot – neither of us had been consciously heading in any particular direction. Lying down, as we both wished to do, was out of the question as we did not have accommodation – and we couldn’t have made it to the car at that moment if our lives had depended upon it…